view member journals

So tonight I have the House all to myself, Jorge is going out with the fellas. I have no idea what to do I really wish I had My textbooks for school so i can get some major homework done. My Professor gave us like a ton of home work. It consists of alot of reading but i could totally handle that. I like to read and write so this class should be a breeze. I really hope I do good this semester, Grades should be a sinch since i really have a laid back job. I should be able to get homework done throughout the day. I think imma order me a movie tonight and pick out an nice outfit to wear to my first day of elementary algebra. Ha ha ha I know, i know, My math level is not really up to par but hey at least im in school right? being in school gives me this sense of security as if Im taking care of business. Last night when i was released from my english class, I felt Good. Like if i did a good deed such as Lend a friend some money. It felt similar to that feeling. I am very thankful that I am back in school and I really hope that this semester goes by smooth and quick, as one of my instructor's at Western career college would say! Those were the good days but anyway, I might be back tonight to express my feelings and what my night really turned out to be, but im pretty sure its gonna be calm and fun. I hope to eat popcorn and maybe watch a chick flick. LOL so cliche! but hey, if the shoe fits right? Anywhoozers i will let you know how my night is going later on! tootles!

"The American way of stress is comparable to Freud's 'beloved symptom', his name for the cherished neurosis that a patient cultivates like the rarest of orchids and does not want to be cured of. Stress makes Americans feel busy, important, and in demand, and simultaneously deprived, ignored, and victimized. Stress makes them feel interesting and complex instead of boring and simple, and carries an assumption of sensitivity not unlike the Old World assumption that aristocrats were high-strung. In short, stress has become a status symbol." (from "The Misanthrope's Corner", May 2001)

cf. "The One Who Is Not Busy"

- I need to change the password for the satellite account everywhere.

o we can use that account to spray files through the env

- set up at jobs to update systems at 4am, prior to esx/dmx cutover

o change root in prod

Lor,

Are you also going to ask me if I'm mad at you?

Have you had enough time to think?

If you ask me can you hear what I might say?

It won't be that bad, you can trust me. I've had time to think, and my emotions have settled. I can see past them, they aren't going to rule my words.

I wish we could have a true dialog about your absence that day. I believe there is a deeper reason than the one you gave us. I believe that this is an opportunity for you to grow and learn if you want to. You have to ask us though, we can't insist.

Bear has accepted your apology and if that's where it stops then so be it - he speaks for me too. We'll all have to go forward from here and I won't be the one to�bring it up.

For us to force�a dialog with you guys could bring out a truth that could be too much for all of�us to handle.�

It's possible that a huge stinkie elephant has just entered the room and we'll just have to ignor it.�

We just never know what difference a day can make.

Sometimes I feel excited with the possibilities when I have a day that seems open but today I feel a bit apprehensive.

Evelyn usually is on my list for Thursdays. But things between her and I have changed in the last couple weeks. Back when she took that fall at Macys and had me over to help�the next day which ended up�taking up most of my day, she told me that she'd feel better about "using" so much of my time if she were paying me.�She's tried, in the past, to�offer me money for comeing to see her but I've refused�because of the nature of our relationship. However, in recent months she seems so much more incapable and is requiring more assistance than ever, she says she wants me to be the one she calls when she needs someone. In that conversation when she told me that she wanted me to start accepting money for my time with her I had to agree but haven't felt good about it since. I think mostly that I don't want her to abuse me the way it sounds like she abuses other people that "help" her for money. She's always got a tale of the incompitence of this one or that one that came to her house and how she tells them off. Yikes, I really don't want to be one of those, I think that would bring a sudden end to our friendship and I know I'd feel bad about that.

So, this morning I'm wondering if she's going to call, and how it'll turn out.

She's such a tough old bird and I'm such a softie.

I still feel the need to vent a little, I guess what bothers me the more I think about it, is the lack of communication and intamacy. When Ange and I are insinc there is nothing greater. I would move the heavens and the earth for her. Though she would probably prefer something a bit more practical. But over the years, she has developed an aversion to all things intamate. I dont just mean intercourse, I mean, she wont hold my hand, give me kiss, a rub on the back. SHe says she has a "medical" condition and that the doctors want to do a DNC (?). She has been prescribed medication to help with her moods. The trueth is, she hasnt been to a doctor in several years, so she isnt treating this issue. She doesnt take any medication, but is quick to remind me to take my meds, I have a busted back and take several meds to survive in this life. Why the dicotomy? The Hypocracy? I have to believe that she just doesnt care enough about herself to fix her medical problems nor does she care about the impact this has on our relationship. It is easier for her to tell me how to change my behavior and demand I adjust to a marriage of celebacy.

Anyone know how to turn on a spell checker for this journal?